With those words George Lucas introduced R2D2 to an unexpecting world. A white and blue tin can with a domed head, that makes whistling observations and comments in a language all of its own, that everybody except the viewer seems to understand.
R2D2 later revealed his ability to fly, display movies, control elevators and electrocute giggling rats. He also functioned as a cunning place to hide a light sabre, and he could hurl it across the room into the hands of the nearest acne ridden Jedi.
As far as I know, R2D2 never had a telescope. Perhaps if I could jump into hyperspace and goes whizzing all over the outer rim, then I wouldn’t bother with a telescope either, just take along a Kodak disposable camera and snap away at the nebulae as you zip past them.
It has so far never been established whether R2D2 would try to form a relationship with another robot. To determine the answer to this question, a company called “Skywatcher”, (an obvious play on “Skywalker”) has produced a device intended to arouse strong feelings in R2D2. Almost an exact copy of the squat little fellow, and codenamed E00P (300P in leetspeak), they are intended to be placed in fields in dark sky locations, so that the real R2D2 can see them from space and pop down to engage in whatever dumpy robots engage in. Maybe we get to see yet another attachment….
Obviously, I would want to be part of this experiment. My good wife, (as opposed to my bad wife who is kept in a garage in Dagenham), was also enchanted by the little beauty. Apparently there is some kind of attachment that allows you to see into space to see if R2D2 is zooming down on his X-wing. I have spoken to eye-witnesses at the last experiment, and although they scoured galaxy after galaxy, there was no sign of R2. Not to be deterred, I spoke to a trader today who sold me my very own 300P. He also advised that I would need a laser collimator for it. I presume this is some kind of device you use to shoot down the wrong kind of interested party. For instance, if Darth Vader starts winging his asthmatic ass down to your star party, you give him a short sharp blast of the laser. If you catch a glint of gold bearing down on you, it could be C3PO. Let him land, then push him in a vat of boiling lead. Take no chances.
Obviously, (except perhaps to that bunch of extremists that actually believe in Star Wars and know all the serial and VIN numbers of the spaceships that were not even in the movie.) To those people I give this advice;
1. Use the force.
2. Find the force by licking your fingers and then shoving them into a plug socket. The force will be with you, always.
Yes obviously, I am referring to the fact that I have purchased yet another telescope. The drivel above is simply because I know more about R2D2, (but not his serial number) than about my new Skywatcher 300p Flexitube.
I used to make fun of the women who, when asked “What kind of car do you drive?”, they would say “A red one”. I have now changed into those women. I dont mean literally, these are pecs, not man-boobs, but if you ask me what kind of telescope it is, I would only be able to reveal that it is a “white one that looks like R2D2”.
I know it looks like I have purchased this thing on a whim because it looks like an iconic robot from the 70’s. Trust me, if they make a telescope that looks like Metal Mickey, or that Biddy Biddy Biddy idiot that followed Buck Rogers everywhere, then I give up astronomy and take up knitting, or self-harming. Because in truth I have taken delivery of this little Dobsonian on the recommendation of people I trust. Whether I still trust them in two weeks shall no doubt be revealed, along with a full review of the new R2D2.
Oops, almost forgot, the other reason for getting one was that I could not find a definitive answer to the question “Can you take photo’s through these things?” So I am gonna see for myself.
The new scope arrives tomorrow, so prepare for a month of cloudy skies. In the meantime, I’m gonna go sharpen my light-sabre (serial OICU812). Just in case Monsiuer Vader comes around looking for stolen plans……
Actually, somebody told me that M13 is the remnants of the Death Star, can anybody out there PROVE that it isn’t?